Having Dinner
by All The Good Names Taken
Summary: The inbox of Sherlock Holmes' phone, from the contact entitled "The Woman". Irene is the most persistent acquaintance. Series Two and The Great Hiatus told through the texts between these two people. Shades of angst, John, friendships, relationships, murder and Crimewatch.


**A bit of fun I've had on my computer since "The Reichenbach Fall". **

* * *

**Having Dinner**

* * *

**From: The Woman  
**Til the next time,  
Mr. Holmes

**From: The Woman  
**Good morning,  
Mr. Holmes

**From: The Woman  
**Feeling better?

**From: The Woman  
**I'm fine since you didn't ask

**From: The Woman  
**I'm not hungry. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Bored in a hotel. Join me. Let's have  
dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**John's blog is HILARIOUS. I think he likes  
you more than I do. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I can see tower bridge and the moon from  
my room. Work out where I am and join  
me.

**From: The Woman  
**I saw you in the street today. You didn't  
see me.

**From: The Woman  
**You do know that hat actually suits you,  
don't you?

**From: The Woman  
**Oh for God's sake. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I like your funny hat.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm in Egypt talking to an idiot. Get on a  
plane, let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You looked sexy on Crimewatch.

**From: The Woman  
**Even you have got to eat. Let's have  
dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**BBC1 right now. You'll laugh.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm thinking of sending you a Christmas  
present.

**From: The Woman  
**Mantelpiece.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm not dead. Let's have dinner.

**Reply:  
**Happy New Year.

**From: The Woman  
**Goodbye Mr Holmes

**From: The Woman  
**I'm very grateful. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Let me thank you. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Is it wrong that watching The Bill  
reminds me of you?

**From: The Woman  
**No Valentines? But I'm all alone. Let's  
have dinner. I'll pay.

**From: The Woman  
**I saw John with that teacher. Thought she  
ditched him at Christmas?

**Reply:  
**She did.

**From: The Woman  
**Dartmoor's lovely this time of year.

**From: The Woman  
**Maybe I'll stop by. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You're always so harsh about John's  
blog. I think "normal-looking" is very  
apt.

**From: The Woman  
**Sometimes I wonder why he sticks around.  
But we all know that, don't we?

**From: The Woman  
**Or do we?

**From: The Woman  
**It's a shame John didn't write up that  
kidnapped painting case. By the sounds of  
it, you rather out-did yourself.

**From: The Woman  
**Scotland Yard's secret weapon?

**From: The Woman  
**Hope you don't get too big of an ego with  
a name like that

**From: The Woman  
**I like men with an ego. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I think a tie would suit you. Poor kid.

**From: The Woman  
**Let's have dinner. For old times sake.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm not going to say please.

**From: The Woman  
**I see an old friend is back in town. Jim always  
did like shiny things

**From: The Woman  
**My kind of man, dear Jim.

**From: The Woman  
**Is that something we have in common, Mr. Holmes?

**From: The Woman  
**Judging by the paper, it looks to be, Mr. Witness.  
Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Be careful.

**From: The Woman  
**Does John mind sharing you?

**From: The Woman  
**Does he know?

**From: The Woman  
**Would he be jealous?

**Reply:  
**Of what?

**From: The Woman  
**So he doesn't know. I thought so.

**From: The Woman  
**Let's have dinner. We can discuss the trial.

**From: The Woman  
**London's boring without you. Join me.

**From: The Woman  
**Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Something's wrong. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**What are you doing?

**From: The Woman  
**He's not going to stop. Let me help. Let's  
have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You can't protect John from this, Mr. Holmes.

**Reply:  
**I can try.

**From: The Woman  
**He's not stupid. He'll know something's wrong.

**From: The Woman  
**Albania is really quite nice for a holiday. Know  
any locals?

**From: The Woman  
**You're not dead. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Does John know?

**Reply:  
**No.

**From: The Woman  
**My, my. We are shutting the poor dog out.  
How long is he going to be kept in the kennel?

**From: The Woman  
**Thought you'd be more responsive with  
dear John out of the picture. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You can't do this on your own. Let's have  
dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Your brother really is quite the planner,  
isn't he? Maybe I'll hire him for a wedding.

**From: The Woman  
**Or you could have him do another funeral. John's  
looking awfully mopey all by himself.

**From: The Woman  
**Happy Anniversary. Year one. Paper.

**Reply:  
**That's marriage.

**From: The Woman  
**I don't care. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm in Moscow. Red clay and snow. Solve  
the puzzle and let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I saw John today. It's been months. He didn't  
see me.

**From: The Woman  
**He was with a woman. She's nice. Blonde,  
pretty. Short. Not his usual type, is it?

**Reply:  
**Stop it.

**From: The Woman  
**He won't wait forever, Mr. Holmes.

**From: The Woman  
**I, however, might. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You looked sexy in Marsaille.

**From: The Woman  
**John's gotten thinner. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**No response for my poem? I worked  
hard on it.

**From: The Woman  
**There's no updates on the blog. I am  
beginning to think he may actually  
have liked you more than me.

**From: The Woman  
**We can't have that. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Moran's a bit scary. Let's have dinner.

**Reply:  
**You know Moran?

**From: The Woman  
**I know what he likes.

**Reply:  
**Which is what?

**From: The Woman  
**It seems you and Moran have similar  
taste in men. I do hope the good doctor  
locked his doors.

**From: The Woman  
**Or at least closed the curtains.

**From: The Woman  
**Did you bring the hat with you?

**From: The Woman  
**I hope so. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You must look gorgeous without that big  
coat. All lean. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Dropped by Baker Street today. New  
tenants. I told you he wouldn't wait.

**From: The Woman  
**I can't watch out for John all the time.  
There's only so many times I can safely  
guide him out of harms way.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm doing all I can.

**Reply:  
**Do better. It's the new sexy.

**From: The Woman  
**You're a bad man, Mr. Holmes. Let's have  
dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I wonder if John even misses you anymore.  
How long has been now? Twenty-two months?

**From: The Woman  
**I miss you. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Happy Anniversary. I wonder what John got  
you. The flowers last year were lovely.

**From: The Woman  
**What's two years again? Cotton or straw?

**Reply:**  
That's still a marriage.

**From: The Woman  
**I still don't care. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**To celebrate.

**From: The Woman  
**I haven't seen that woman in a while.  
John seems awfully lonely.

**From: The Woman  
**Does that help?

**Reply:  
**Yes.

**From: The Woman  
**Thought so. You can thank me for my  
efforts later. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You're so close. Can't you come home  
now?

**From: The Woman  
**London misses you.

**From: The Woman  
**John misses you.

**From: The Woman  
**I miss you. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Be careful. Moran's a dangerous man.

**Reply:  
**So am I.

**From: The Woman  
**Oh, I believe you. When you're done, let's  
have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**John saw me today. Had to jump two  
taxis to get shot of him. He really is  
most persistent. I can see why you  
like him.

**From: The Woman  
**Just had the most delightful Danish.  
Come and share with me?

**From: The Woman  
**John was on Crimewatch today. Looks  
like he doesn't need you to keep the business  
going.

**From: The Woman  
**ITV, if you can. He looks rather  
dashing in blue.

**From: The Woman  
**Taxis are boring. And my driver is  
an idiot.

**From: The Woman  
**Coming up on two and a half years now.  
Your hair must be all curly again by now.

**From: The Woman  
**Do try not to cut it again. Let's have  
dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**If you're not going to tell him, I will.

**Reply:  
**Not yet.

**From: The Woman  
**This isn't fair on him, you know.

**From: The Woman  
**It's actually quite sad. The poor man.

**From: The Woman  
**Even if you come back, he won't forgive you.  
You may never get your friend back.

**Reply:  
**But he'll live.

**From: The Woman  
**Will it be worth it if he isn't yours at the  
end of this?

**Reply:  
**You always did let sentiment have too  
much of a say.

**From: The Woman  
**And you never gave it any. No wonder  
John stopped missing you.

**From: The Woman  
**I wouldn't miss you.

**From: The Woman  
**That's not true. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**I'm not going to say sorry.

**From: The Woman  
**You have the most adorable pout, you  
know. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**Don't care what Italy says, New York  
has the best pizza. Let's have dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**That woman is back. I can't block all his  
calls.

**From: The Woman  
**Happy Anniversary. Three years. Leather,  
I do believe.

**Reply:  
**Moran's dead.

**From: The Woman  
**Thought so. Let's have dinner. I'll pay.

**From: The Woman  
**How on earth did you manage to charge  
a ticket to London on my card?

**From: The Woman  
**You really are quite extraordinary, Mr. Holmes.

**Reply:  
**You did say you'd pay.

**From: The Woman  
**Oh, you are wicked.

**From: The Woman  
**So, what now? Back home to husband  
dearest? I doubt John will be as welcoming  
as you hope.

**From: The Woman  
**Be slow with him. It's been a long time for  
him.

**Reply:  
**It's been a long time for  
me, too.

**From: The Woman  
**But you're different. You don't care.

**From: The Woman  
**Or at least, not the way John did.

**Reply:  
**Did?

**From: The Woman  
**It's been a long time, Mr. Holmes.

**From: The Woman  
**You have a lot of ground to make up.

**From: The Woman  
**Welcome home. Let's have dinner.

**Reply:  
**I've got plans.

**From: The Woman  
**I won't tell if you don't. Let's have  
dinner.

**From: The Woman  
**You're welcome.

**From: The Woman  
**If John hits you, do remember you  
deserve it.

**From: The Woman  
**If he kisses you, make sure to  
remember you don't deserve it.

**Reply:  
**Why would he do that?

**From: The Woman  
**Why do you care?

**From: The Woman  
**Sentiment isn't always for the losing  
side, Mr. Holmes.

**From: The Woman  
**You are allowed to have something other  
than that gorgeous brain of yours.

**From: The Woman  
**If John turns you down, I'll still be here.

**From: The Woman  
**Let's have dinner.

_This number is no longer in service. _

**From: BLOCKED  
**So John bought you a new phone.  
I told you he'd be jealous.

**Because texting is fun. And Irene Adler is wonderful. And we all know John would jealous if Irene had known and he didn't.**


End file.
